Self Perception
Let’s play a game. On a scale of 1-10, how much do you know yourself?
It’s almost scary how easily our minds are tricked into believing something, especially by itself. They say you remember your most important and eventful memories, which has theoretically shaped you to become the person that you are currently. But if playing trivia games has ever told me anything, it’s that our memories completely suck. And our brains, being its know-it-all self, love to fill in the gaps between the fragments of the past to create some kind of connection with certain fabrications, sometimes consciously or even subconsciously.
Most of these memories probably did not pass through the filter of my own growth, and even those who did still get contorted as I aged. The non-fictions that I rely on to make friends slowly fluctuate into a realistic fiction that I tell to simply entertain the minds of others.
A human being has three contrasting versions of themselves: their past, their present, and their future. Intriguingly, the past is the only one that a person supposedly has no control over, but as we established, our memories of the past can be overwhelmingly fictional, and we will never even know it.
When I think of my past, certain images and moments stand out. Perhaps it was during a field trip when I scratched my leg on an open nail; when I got my first notable scar.
The exposed nail came in contact with the surface of my knee—how it came to be is a question I’ve yet to answer. I felt the ripples of pain building up, but it never truly settled into my mind until the blood entered my eyesight.
In fact, the same scar is still present on my body. Well, not entirely. Skin cells fully regenerate about every three weeks. So physically speaking, it’s not the same scar. Our body's constant change and evolution literally prevent us from being the same person, ever.
Our body is simply the physical structure of our beings; a medium between our spirituality and our physical surroundings. Although from time to time, you may leave this safe intersection. It is very common for me to dissociate myself from my body. All parts of myself suddenly get compacted into one, and I dichotomize. The splits happen quickly like a loose rubber band suddenly snapping after being continuously pulled on.
It’s weird to me how much people seek to see a reflection of themselves. Yet facing a mirror creates such a bizarre feeling in my head. It seems strange to be able to perceive how others perceive me. Even the simple concept of our physical appearances can feel eerie from time to time.
When the only thing the mirror reflects is the lies I tell.
Like anyone else, I play up a character at most times. Whether the shift from my genuine self and the figures that I become is noticeable can vary and the more I do so, the more it feels ingenuine, and the more I drift away from my own self.
The notion that humans are constantly hiding behind a mask is seemingly overdramatic, but it has some truths to it. Our behavioral patterns varies with every different atmosphere we are in. While it’s fun to discuss the perspective regarding these so-called masks, I find it even more alluring to talk about what is under it.
Perception is not reality, but to the perceiver, it is the only thing that they can use to create their own versions of reality in their heads. Everybody you have ever interacted with has a version of yourself in their heads, and each of these variants are very distinctive against each other. But do these different variations make up who you are?
Thus, the question naturally reintroduces itself—how much do you truly know yourself? One can only wonder.